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i think whats important for a guy, is that he needs to know where he wants to be. well, for now i dont. thats seriously shitty, but i think maybe in a while or so i will find out where i wanna be. what i wanna do, who im gonna be.

im pretty fat now, super bloated. it seems i gained back all the weight i lost. that sucks.

i should also get a to-do list. that isnt hard but i think the hard part is to follow and finish the to-do list. thats the hardest part i guess.

i have tons of to-do list ( paper version, electronic version ( iphone )). well tonnes of such toys but i dont know why it isnt helping. because theres tomorrow, well what if tomorrow never come. uhh i never thought of that actually. hahaha! funny as it is, but thats how i was shaped up to think. i believe theres always tomorrow. how weird.

i should make myself believe that theres no tomorrow. or maybe no next minute or next second cause some shit might just fall from the ceiling and i will get killed.

uhh doesnt work that way.

okay i should psycho myself.

my boss says, thoughts become things. i dont know how true is that. but apparently, i dont think that theory works for me. its stupidity at times, but again stupid things are the things that make people smile.

grrr.